• easpenner

A Fine Line…

Updated: Jul 25

Motherhood. Gray. Gray. Gray. There is no black-and-white, sweet friends. Nope. Pure gray. I experience it each-and-every-day. The choices. The decision-making. The questioning. And questioning again. And wondering…the ever-lingering doubts.

Even the most experienced mothers question themselves day-in and day-out: “Am I even halfway correct in tackling this ‘motherhood’ thing?!”

And the answer? Undoubtedly, yes!

In many ways, motherhood is the most colorful job on Earth. Jam-packed with laughter. And warm embraces. Filled with awe. Sprinkled with blessings. Showered with tears. Overflowing with lessons learned…in forgiveness, in self-awareness, in life. But, when it comes to making the best “move” as our day-to-day “hurdles” arise? You guessed it, dear friend…gray, gray, gray.

Why? Because each. and. every. family. is. different. Each. and. every. parenting. style. is. unique. Each. and. every. child. is. one-of-a-kind. Each. and. every. situation. is like no other anywhere in the world.


Can I be honest with you, sweet friends? I wish I would have tossed every. single. motherhood and parenting book out the window! I read them. Over and over. I bookmarked pages. Inserted Post-It notes. But you know what? None of it mattered. Good preparation, yes. But when you find yourself down in the deepest, most intense trenches of those motherhood impediments, you won’t find the answer in a book. Nope. The only way to find those answers would be to dig deeply. Into your heart. And into your soul. And to offer up those prayers of help and guidance to the best provider of all.

In my book, mothers are right up there with ER doctors. Decision-making on-demand. Sometimes life-saving. Other times attending to those final decisions with an endless supply of patience, tender-loving care and a lot of careful deliberation. And it’s never easy…


Last Thursday evening, Miss O surprised me with some news at bedtime. She had gotten in a little bit of “trouble” at school. Apparently, she and another little girl were using the restroom, and for whatever reason, the other little girl did something to cause Miss O to scream. Loudly. So, her teacher came in to see what happened. And had a small chat with the girls…

Oh friends…this poor little girl was to the point of hyperventilating. It took e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. inside of her little being to tell me what happened. And there I stood at a crossroads. She was obviously more than upset for what had happened, and I did not want to push her one bit farther into more despair. However, on the flip-side, I wanted to remind her that she is expected to be on her best behavior at school (which she allllways is). So, I took a deep breath, and I decided just to comfort her. I didn’t poke at the fact that she had been “reprimanded(if even that). I let that part go. And I simply worked at calming her sweet little self down. It took a late-evening phone call to both Daddy, working on a major project at work, as well as to Grandpa. And some big cuddles with one big, fuzzy “Honey Bear”, but we got there.

At that moment, as her mother, I realized nothing needed to be said. She got. the. point. All by her five-year-old little self. At that moment, my only job was to calm her down and remind her that everyone makes mistakes. Grown-ups included. She is in preschool. She knows what is expected of her, and being the intense perfectionist that she already is, I didn’t want her to think that she couldn’t “mess up”, because goodness knows, e.v.e.r.y.o.n.e.  messes up.


Motherhood presents so many of thosefine linemoments. Where you want to jump on a teaching opportunity, but when you then realize that instead of using an event as a “lesson learned”, you use the experience as a momentto embrace, to console, to just be the most loving presence in the world. Because for such tiny beings, the smallest occurrence can rock their existence to the core. And the only thing they need is their momma to let them know it will all be just fine.

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